Please wake up...

How do I put this into words, concrete sentences that convey all that is flowing through my mind at this one point in time? If only I could empty my heart onto this page and watch the concepts and emotions shape themselves into letters, words, phrases, anything to keep myself sane. Sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like if you had never left, if you had never taken this burden upon yourself alone. Would you still be here, by my side, to face everything with me? Would time have eventually forced us apart? I want to believe so badly that things would be better. I know you told me not to cry, that this was how it was supposed to be, but the tears won't go away, no matter how hard I try. Please, wake up. I don't want to be alone again.